Friday, March 15, 2013

How do you say goodbye?


We know she’s leaving, and so we’ve come to say our goodbye, but…

While we're saying goodbye, she’s saying hi.

We want need to say goodbye. We imagine the words I love you, flowing through hugs and tears. But it doesn’t go well. She says hello to people we cannot see.

We see the big ending, she sees the beginning.

Her soul is in transition to a realm beyond our reach. We say I love you, only to hear; Do I know you dear? She meant no harm, but still, her words pierce like a dart. She didn’t recognize me, a pain we can't believe.

Her eyes are closed but she sees beyond this waiting room we call life.

Many times the act of saying goodbye is more for us, than for our loved one. It’s a form of closure—something we need. It’s not as important to say goodbye with our mouth, as long as we can say it with our heart.

Thus it can be done—by the bedside the graveside or inside our heart, no matter where we are. In fact in many cases, by the time we realize we should say our final farewell it’s too late to have a cohesive conversation.

So, whether you’re at her side, or a thousand miles away, love knows no distance and you can find peace and closure. Sometimes closure won’t come until after all is said and done. Perhaps one lonely rainy day you’ll find yourself alone next to her grave—or sitting on a river bank—and then and there, you’ll find peace for your soul.

All who’ve gone before know this is not the end.

It’s a crazy contradiction, but it happens all the time. Folks fight over last wishes. She wanted this, she wanted that, they ball and squall and fight—in such cases even if you win, you lose...

And all the while all she ever wanted was for her kids to live in peace.

What matters most is not whether her body is laid to rest in an ivory tomb or a pine box.

Her greatest desire is that in your goodbye you can really mean—see you later.

We are blessed because she has made her peace. She knows where she’s going and wants you, to someday, go there too. At the end there’s a door we all must pass through, but alas, we don’t all wind up in the same place...that decision is up to you.

I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved (John 10:9)


Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die (John 11:25)


Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me (John 14:6)


If you want prayer or would like to talk feel free to comment or contact me at



SimplyDarlene said...

Lord God, grant this family peace and comfort beyond all measure.


tina clarke said...

You are absolutely right all granny wanted from all of us is to all get along. I still have yet to be able to say my goodbye to her in person i went and sat on her doorsteps on rock street and had a nice talk with her i know she heard me and it brought some tears and i know more will come. I am thankful for having a caring uncle like you in our family.

tina clarke

Anonymous said...

Thank You Doug!!! Your words once again are very blessed, beautiful and at the same time, so hard to read. All any of us want is for peace and comfort for granny, knowing that she is able to have you by her side is a very big relief. Thank you for coming into our lives and thank you for being the wonderful inspiring person you truly are. Love you lots


caryjo said...

You just so clearly explained what occurs as "we" change our "location" forever and ever. So many don't know, understand. Thank you for planting seed in many hearts. It truly will make a difference.

marie teena said...

Still to this day I miss granny like crazy I just wish we could have our forever back again.....