i am

i am so sorry

i am an idiot

i pray what i am

never keeps you from

I AM.

i wrote the note and wrapped it in a twenty dollar bill. i could see their backs perfectly, about ten rows up and to the left of the isle.

Inspired by the dance to I AM performed by our Youth Impact Ministry. And convicted by the impact i made on a young couple before church.

It all started on the corner of Egret and Thunderbird road. i pulled up and checked the traffic on Thunderbird; no one to the left and a pick up quite a ways off to the right. i hit the accelerator and at the same time calculated the pick up to be driving too fast and accelerating. It was too late for me to stop since i was already committed into the intersection. So i sped up quickly to the speed limit of 45 miles an hour before the pick-up caught up to me. We had about a quarter mile until we turned off into the church parking lot on the left.

i didn’t think he would do it because this road at this time is full of church traffic. But he did. In a gap between traffic he flew around me; hit his brakes to slow for the car in front of me. We were now only about two blocks from the church. He again sped around the next car – and again had to hit his brakes for a line of cars waiting their turn to cross into the church parking lot.

My wife said wouldn’t it be something if he turns into the church after all that. He did. Ironically we were directed to park directly behind him by the parking lot attendants.

Maybe it was because my friend’s twenty-one year old grandson Johnny recently got killed by a drunk driver. Or maybe it was because too many of my loved ones say they stay away from God because they don't want to be like those who claim to be His children - hypocrites. Or maybe it’s because i’m a great sinner. Whatever it was – i had to say something to Speedy Gonzales.

“Kind-of in a hurry to get to church huh?” i said to the young man with the lead foot. He appeared to be about the same age as Johnny.

“Yes sir.” He said very politely.

i said; “You know, it’s not a very good Christian example for you to drive like the devil and then pull in here acting all holy.”

He said to the young lady with him, “Let’s go. I don’t want to go here if this is what it is.”

She said; “Sir, you pulled out in front of us. We’re running a little late and.”

Then it occurred to me. Maybe this was his first time coming to church; maybe his girlfriend or wife or whoever she was had been praying for this moment for years and now she’s finally got him to come and my holier than thou attitude is about to chase him off. He could be the next Billy Graham and i just kicked him out of the church. i’m an idiot i thought.

“i’m sorry, you’re right. Please don’t leave. It’s my fault.”

He got out of the truck and started walking toward the church. “He said to me; “You’re not from around here are you? You need to go back where you came from.”

Then he must have changed his mind; “No I’m leaving.” He got back in the truck, his girlfriend followed. As she started to get in her side of the truck she turned to me and said in a not so pleasant tone; “Thanks a lot!”

“Don’t go.” i said. It was too late. i watched them drive away.

As my wife dropped our granddaughter off in children’s church it was all i could do to keep the tears at bay. And i was praying so furiously i’m sure it looked like i was talking to myself. i walked to the side of the church to spy the parking lot and to my relief i saw their pick up easing back in the lot.

Now, if only i could talk to them again. The church seats some five hundred folks and it was packed as usual. i waited outside watching for them to enter but couldn’t find them. Finally the service started and i went in, and back out again. The lights were down and i couldn’t see where my wife was seated. She saw me looking like i was lost, found me and we sat down.

And then i saw them, wrote this note and waited for the service to be over. i don’t know what the preacher preached about. i was too busy praying for God to forgive me and bless that young couple i had offended.

i was relieved to see that he didn’t raise his hand when they asked for all first timers to do so. i was also relieved to see they clapped their hands and acted kind-of “churchy” so i figured they must be somewhat familiar with the church setting.

But i still felt like a great sinner in need of a great savior. i felt like a scum-bag.

The service ended. i waited. They had to walk by me to exit. They didn’t. They just vanished. i looked when everyone stood to be dismissed and they were gone. i couldn’t find them anywhere. i stood by the exit door. i even held the door open for hundreds of folks as they exited, but they were nowhere to be found. Did they see me and exit another way? i don’t know. Maybe i could find their truck and stick my note on the windshield. i looked – no truck.

On the ride home i suppose i waited at each intersection so long a camel could have gotten us home quicker. But i didn’t pull out in front of anyone – you can be sure of that.

If only i would have thought: “Maybe they’re going through a hard time…maybe they’re not Christians…maybe they need acceptance not a sermon…maybe i should put myself in their shoes and not judge – Lord knows when i was his age i’d have been driving just like him.”

i wish i could have found them and given them my note and we would have become fast friends. A great testimony of forgiveness would be written and he would go on to be Billy Graham.

But i didn’t.

So what’s the answer…




If anyone is in need of I AM...i am.

Lyrics to:

I AM
(by Eddie James)

Verse 1:

I am the Lord, I’m the Almighty God

I am the One for when nothing is too hard

I am the Shepherd and I am the Door

I am the Good news to the bound and the poor

Chorus:

I am, I am, I am, I am

Verse 2:

I am the righteous One and I am the Lamb,

I am the Ram in the bush for Abraham,

I am the Ultimate Sacrifice for sin,

I am your Redeemer, the Beginning and the End

Chorus:

I am, I am, I am, I am

Verse 3:

I am Jehovah, and I am the King,

I am Messiah, David’s Offspring,

I am your High Priest, and I am the Christ,

I am the Resurrection, I am the Life

Chorus:

I am, I am, I am, I am

Verse 4:

I am the Bread, and I am the Wine,

I am your Future, so leave your past behind.

I am the One in the midst of two or three,

I am your Tabernacle, I am your Jubilee.

Chorus:

I am, I am, I am, I am

Verse 4:

I am the Bread, I am the Wine,

And I am your Future, so leave your past behind.

I am the One in the midst of two or three,

I am your Tabernacle, I am your Jubilee.

Chorus:

I am, I am, I am, I am

Verse 5:

I am Hope, I am Peace, I am Joy, I am Rest,

Oh I am your Comfort, and Relief from your stress,

I am Strength, I am Faith, I am Love, I am Power,

And today I am your Freedom, this very hour.

Chorus:

I am, I am, I am, I am

Verse 5:

I am Hope, I am Peace, I am Joy, I am Rest,

I am your Comfort, and Relief from your stress,

I am Strength, I am Faith, I am Love, I am Power,

I am your Freedom, this very hour.

Verse 5:

I am Hope, I am Peace, I am Joy, I am Rest,

I am your Comfort, and Relief from your stress,

I am Strength, I am Faith, I am Love, I am Power,

I am your Freedom, this very hour.

Chorus:

I am, I am, I am, I am

Ending:

I am